BOOM! #drake ;; #amen to that! (Taken with instagram)
Comicus Erectus;😄🇮🇹😂 Tahir, George Kapanaris, Joe Avati, Basile. #comedy #funny #lol #greatnight (Taken with instagram)
the feeling;
Some people just don’t want to be alone…
Some people just want to be special….
Me though, I want to be loved.
I haven’t felt this feeling in a while, but this feeling is a peculiar one.
Its what I call a mix between self doubt and failure.
Its the feeling in the pit of my stomach where I feel, I want to burst into a screaming fit, cry hysterically and well, also stop my heart from pounding in my throat.
It all started when I thought I had the best guy in the world.
He listened to me, made me laugh and wasn’t afraid to share his happiness with me to the world.
Then one and a half years later, it all turned to shit!
The laughs turned into fights, the happiness turned to anger and the words that followed turned me into a heartless bitch.
It wasn’t the break up that was hard, but it was the feelings of self doubt that stayed.
I have never had someone, a family member or anyone who cared like he did before. Not even a friend or foe who cared and I didn’t even realise it, until now.
I’d go through the day, making good decisions, helping people and trying my best.
He was always proud of me.
However now, all I want to do is be different! hurt everyone who hurts me and laugh at them in their face!
I want to blow up things and inflict pain on each and every person who has put me down.
What do you do when no one acknowledges your good work? or even says “hey well down! congratulations etc…”
It was once he was gone I became a failure at everything.
Life became hard, and well, my parents decide to make it worse by locking me up…
I just want to get away, far, far, away…
Being alone is how I need to convince myself I am worth something again.
Around these people all I am is worthless. I get acknowledged when I DO wrong.
heck, I get condemned to hell! and when something good is done, it goes unnoticed.
I am not a bad person, and if they knew what I have done for a certain individual, all of those who want me gone, will regret they ever said anything.
At the end of the day, I wish things were different.
I wish my parents were proud of me, I wish I could grow up being something more and happier then now.
I wish I didn’t rely on certain people to make me happy.
I wish I had a family who loved me, instead of ear bashing me to the point of crying.
I also wish I could speak to my family about how I feel, what its like going through a break up to make them understand…
But the definition of me, is alone….
If I could run away, I would. They told me to live on the street, believe me, the pain of strangers would be easier to handle rather then the pain of the people who raised me.
The worst thing is, I have no idea what I did to be treated like this, for those who know me, I have never done drugs! never disrespected my parents! Go to school, work. And sure as hell never made someone feel the way I do…
At the end of the day,
I have those few who are there for me, and I do thank them. They also know who they are.
Anyone wants their family close by, everything that happens they are meant to go through it with you. Not blame you.
God is either testing me, or he is punishing me. Who knows where my path will lead me. This is my life.
They say blood is thicker then water. In my case: its the water thats keeping me alive.
xoxo Adriana.
to a fallen conrad….
Sometimes we go through life as victims.
Sometimes we go through life as heroes.
I am writing this particular blog about a friend, a great friend of mine…
My friend, *Nismospec.
This particular friend of mine, has been through so much in his 25 years of being on Earth and since I’ve known him, he has always been the one who has been a certain type of hero.
*Nismospec to me, has always been the type of hero you literally read about in comic books. He sits in his room, totally reserved, waiting to be bitten by that radioactive spider, or finding that super power he has within, whilst sitting on his computer playing his video games (in his case: world of warcraft) and instead of having a batmobile, he’d drive a GTR Skyline completely custom made with all the gadgets built from scratch!
*Nismospec has the personality to make anyone laugh with his sarcasm, and hides his feelings and emotions to the world to show he is strong! his laugh could set off an atomic bomb (unless he’s made it of course) and the drive to make others happy is what makes anyone worthy of his friendship.
Today my hero has fallen slightly, you could say he has been in a war, pretty much within himself for the past few weeks. As he says himself:
“Even superheroes need saving sometimes”
All the drama from ex gf’s to friends, from friends to family. He has had it all.
The point here. Its so bad its way too much for myself or him to even handle. OR even write about.
Today it is, MY friend who is in fact, a victim, and a fallen conrad, so to speak.
I am writing this blog to you *Nismospec from the bottom of my heart. And from one fallen conrad to another. At the end of the day, YOU CAN’T BLAME YOURSELF!!
every day is different, the only thing we can do is live it, AND take it as it comes.
My point is: that we get it done together. Sometimes even Superman, Wonderwoman and Batman can’t even cope. But its ok….It is ok to break down and know that at least you have tried.
I want to see my mate happy and sometimes even I feel there is nothing I can do. But the point is, when your alone in that room, playing your game, or even in your own little world.
I am thinking of you.
There has been times where you have made me realise that all the drama that is attracted to me is in fact part of life. However it has been you getting me through it. Telling me everything is going to be ok. Knowing that I do HAVE people who care and people who will listen to my stupid rants.
Now, my friend, it is MY turn.
Take some of your own advice. Do something for yourself for once. And make yourself happy!
All the time I’ve known you dealing with other peoples problems. Trying to fix it, trying to do the right thing by all, BUT making yourself unhappy.
At the end of the day, sometimes it is ok to look after YOU. And thats all I ask.
People put so much pressure onto you, that you feel once something goes wrong for you, you need to ignore it!
So from one superhero to another I have another quote for ya:
“WITH GREAT POWER COMES GREAT RESPONSIBILITY”
*Nismospec, you have the gift of joy. Make sure you use it wisely….
Sometimes its you just being there, not doing anything at all is the greatest power of them all.
With love; Wonderwoman ;)
